MINE!
by outerelf
Summary: Inferno and the twins are arguing about something, and Prowl is intent on finding out what it is.
1. Chapter 1

Closest thing to having absolutely no plot, and being a crack fic as well, that I have ever written. In fact, i think it is a crack fic, but you'll have to tell me. I can't believe I posted this up…

SsSsSsSsSsSsSsSsSsSssSs

"He's mine."

"Ours!"

"Mine!"

"Ours!"

"Mine!"

"Ours!"

"Mine!"

"Ours!"

"Mine!"

"Ours!"

"Mine!"

"Ours!"

"Mine!"

"Ours!"

"Mine!"

"Ours!"

"Mine!"

"Ours!"

"Mine!"

"Ours!"

"Mine!"

"Ours!"

"Mine!"

"What are you three arguing about?" Red Alerts exhausted voice made the three in question shut up and look at their feet. "Twins, Inferno, what are you arguing about?"

"Nothing, nothing." They said.

Red Alert looked at them closely. Inferno looked ready to kill, the twins looked as if they would gladly tear apart whatever was sent their way. "…Very well." He sighed, deciding to let it drop. "I'm warning you three however. If I'm woken up out of another sound recharge to come break up a fight all three of you are going in the brig."

Red Alert stalked off, rubbing at his optics tiredly. Inferno glared and hissed, "I tell you, he's mine!"

Prowl appeared seconds before Sunstreakers fist flew. "Red Alert may have let you off the hook, but I don't intend to. What are you three arguing about?"

"Tell him that he has no claim over mechs!" Sunstreaker hissed, pointing accusingly at Inferno. "We found him before Inferno was even born-"

Inferno threw himself at Sunstreaker, disintegrating the entire room into a brawl. Prowl stood on the spot, his logic processor struggling to process what was happening. _Get the facts Prowl._ He reminded himself. _One, they're fighting over a mech. Two… there isn't a two._

Red Alert reappeared like magic, having heard the clashing going back several hallways down. His lips compressed into a thin line as he watched the brawling mechs for a moment, and then he jerked a single finger at Prowl, telling him to get out.

Faintly amused he moved back, watching Red Alert. Red Alert, well aware of the gaze, typed in a code quickly, and smirked in satisfaction.

A moment later Prowl could see why. Water poured from above as the sprinklers worked in response to the code Red Alert had entered. The fighting stopped abruptly as it began. "Prowl, I'm going to need a hand sending these lots to the brig."

Prowl nodded, and together they herded the mechs out into the brig.

0o0o0o0o0

Prowl waited until all else was quiet, before curiosity got the better of him. He threaded his way towards Inferno's cell, nearby which was Sunstreaker and Sideswipe.

"Mine."

"Ours."

"Mine."

"Ours."

Prowl interrupted, "Who might you be talking about?"

"Who do you think?" Sideswipe asked. "I'm telling you Inferno, back off. He's ours."

"You and Sunny going to share him? I don't think he's going to like _that_ at all." Inferno snarled back.

"Who-"

"Red Alert of course."

Prowls logic failed as he crashed completely.

SsSsSsSsSsSsSsSsSsSsSsSsSs

I noticed that people (autobot speaking) have either Inferno or the twins. So… this is what I got. You don't think they were just going to allow the other to take off with Red, now do you?

Red Alert: Don't I get to choose?

Twins and Inferno: NO!

Inferno: Mine.

Twins: Ours

Me: This is going to take several hours. Come back later.


	2. Chapter 2

Red Alert groaned as he heard the heated whispers that came from behind him, snarling over something once more. He wasn't sure what they were arguing about, after all, whenever he got too close they shut up. But, the second he was a good enough of a distance away-

Red Alert shook himself, forcing his CPU back on task. The roads were slippery from mud, and Red Alert had no wish to injure himself by falling off a cliff because he wasn't paying attention.

Sunstreakers engine turned over loudly, threatening Inferno in some sort of odd way. Red Alerts CPU, momentarily distracted, didn't notice as he slid backwards nearly a foot until he realized his wheels were dangerously close to the edge of a rather steep cliff.

Red Alert panicked and pressed on the gas pedal, trying to make up for the lost ground. He continued sliding back however. "Help!" He screeched, as his back wheels slipped over the side.

The three turned, and instantly spotted Red Alerts problem. Red Alert transformed, hoping that he might get better traction. No such luck, he still slipped over the side, when suddenly, "Now, now Red Alert."

All four of the Autobots stiffened as the owner of the cold voice easily picked up Red Alert. "I didn't know you wanted to see me so badly you'd go jumping off cliffs." Red Alert opened his mouth to speak, when Inferno roared with anger, tackling Starscream.

Sunstreaker grabbed Red Alerts right arm as Starscream grabbed the left.

"he's mine!" Starscream hissed, glaring.

"No, He's mine!" Inferno snarled back, his own hand attempting to pull the dazed Red Alert from out of Starscreams grasp.

"NO!" The twins cried, "He's ours!"

The four mechs glared over the head of Red Alert, who had no idea what was going on.

"How about a fight?" Starscream suggested.

0o0o0o0o0

Red Alert sighed, and shifted position. It had been _hours_ since they had started fighting, and it didn't look as if it would end any time soon. "What are they fighting about anyways?" He grumbled out loud, attempting to remember.

However, his CPU had a rather large blank spot right their, and Red Alert sighed as the mantra of the past few days rang some more in his auditory receptors.

"MINE!"

"Ours!"

"MINE!"

"mine!"

"Ours!"

_I'll have to ask them what they were fighting about._ Red Alert thought, staring glumly at the combatants.

SsSsSsSsSsSsSs

Starscream: He's MY pet!

Inferno: No, he's my mech!

Twins: He's ours!

Red Alert: Don't I get to choose?

All: NO!

Haha, so many people wanted Starscream, and this is my first time writing starscream… so be nice, review!


	3. Nemesis Vs Ark

Oh wow...Oh wow. This is popular. And I thrive on popular fics. Somebody asked me if this would be the last one with the twins fighting over Red, and I have to say.. Maybe. Because I have no idea what I could use as a plot line in order to have the three to contest for Red Alert, and I… am a true Red/Inferno fan. So… maybe. It depends on how soon I can get an idea.

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"Yes" Prowl said, "reports say that the twins, Inferno, Red Alert are currently engaging Starscream. However, Red Alert is either injured or out of commission for he doesn't seem to be fighting…"

Prime, was about to dispense some leader wisdom when Ironhide grabbed him, turned him around and said, "We're going out their and blasting some 'Cons. End of story as the humans say."

Prime, despite being so much wiser and probably stronger, could only nod.

0o0o0o0o0o

Megatron was bored out of his great Evil skull. He really wanted a good fight, but he needed for the Autobots to start…

He sat up straight as a mech entered. "Sir, Starscream asks for help as he is currently being attacked by three Autobots at once."

Megatron considered his options, and gave up. Now was not the time to start planning, but for action. He couldn't toy with Starscream if he was destroyed, besides, he would like to take a look at what Starscream would fight for so strongly. "Everyone on the Nemesis, get ready to fight."

The small plateau on which the four were on was about to become a great battle field.

0o0o0o0o0o0o

Red Alert groaned, and turned off his auditory receptors, trying to seek relief from the constant screams of "Mine!"

"Mine!"

"Ours!"

"mine!"

"Please Primus-" He begged the sky. "Shut them up!"

He could still feel the screams through his thick plating, that's how sensitive his wires are.

And Primus seemed determined to make his day worse, because he can see the seekers shooting off towards them…

The Aerial bots come up from nowhere, as both sides eager for a fight collide.

0o0o0o0o0

Ratchet shook his head. Out of all the mechs, Red Alert was the only one unharmed. Apparently the four main contestants had formed a circle around him, trying to destroy whoever came close.

So, Inferno now had the mark of Megatrons fusion cannon, along with Starscream.

Ratchet mused over the fact that the four, when being pulled off by their separate factions had sworn that they would meet each other once again, and that time fight to the death, he wondered if it was possible to ask Primus to take him now.

Battles were always horrible, but miraculously their had been no casualties, despite the fact that the entire crew from both factions had been fighting.

Red Alert looked at Ratchet. "What are we fighting about anyways?"

"I don't know. I plan on asking the twins and Inferno when they wake up however."

"Good luck. They refuse to tell me, even when I threatened them with some of the juiciest blackmail I have."

Ratchet's optic ridge quirked upward, but Red Alert had already stalked out as the only mech left to take care of the security.

Inferno mumbled softly from where he was recharging. "Go away… Starscream… Red's mine."

_We were fighting over Red Alert?_ Ratchet thought, optics dazed. _Out of all Autobots, we were fighting for…_

His CPU refused to take in the data, and he blackened out. The last ironic thought was, _So this is what Prowl must feel like every time is circuits overload._

0o0o0o0o0o

Megatron could only gape as Starscream muttered, "Stupid Inferno. I'll get him back. Just wit, I'll get Red Alert back."

The voice should have been threatening, but Starscream was murmuring it so softly it sounded more like a petulant child who had their favorite toy pulled away.

Megatron stumbled towards his own recharge booth thinking, _We fought for a glitch?_

His CPU didn't take it, and the earth shuddered as two mechs, one Decepticon, the other Autobot fell to the ground, overloaded, and unable to believe.

0o0o0o0o0

Red Alert still had no clue what was going on. That much was evident when he screamed for the three to either 'Shut up or you'll never see the light of day again!'

It was unknown whether they shut up because of what he was saying, or the incredibly, amazing view he gave them as he bent over to pick up a fallen data pad.

SsSsSsSsSsSsSs

… Really short, I know. But someone in one of my reviews said it would be fun to see the entire Nemesis and Ark fighting for Red… So yeah. Zand Red is probably never going to get a clue, although if he did… I wouldn't be able to write that. I'm not that good. (sweatdrop)

Beware the power of the glitchy mech.


End file.
